Condor Flight from Hell

Traveling with a plane full of Germans in Premier Economy class was enough to put me over the edge. This is White Bitch Hell.In a perfect world, I usually have the luxury to fly business class. One can sleep, eat well, and drink French wine. But hey, I took a step down the seating arrangement to be seated next to my friend, Lyndsey, during the flight. Quel suffrance! The plane was an old relic from the Thomas Cooke Traveler fleet. Lyndsey and I were the only English speaking tourists on the plane. The rest of the cabin was filled up with overweight, swine flu coughing, smelly feet, and rude Germans that just stared at Lyndsey and I throughout the 12 ordeal. As we sat in our assigned seats, the zealous pilot started to announce that the computer would not 'boot up' so we would have to wait' ten minutes' for another computer. We waited two hours on the runway. Lyndsey started to worry that perhaps it was not the safest thing to assume that a new computer would work after a ten minute installation. While sipping my vulgar Psalft wine I repsonded, 'Well, I guess we will find out soon enough, drink up ' I started to think about it. Computer does not work...OK, please tell us what computer was not working and what would that mean for our flight across the Indian sea? Finally, the happy pilot came on the loud speaker announcing that the new computer is working so off we will go... This all made us a bit nervous. Lyndsey was ready to walk out. But lo and behold, the plane took off. The flight attendant came by with a delicious vegetarian meals but the down point was the wine. German wine! I drank two of the bottles just in case we went down I would not feel the pain. Quel suffrance!